Don't tell me if you find this. If you ever do, never tell me.
I have a love/hate relationship with religion. I do't know if it's because I've hung out with 1 too many atheists or because I've actually had bad experiences. Frankly. if I have a bad experience, I chalk it up to me being too sensitive and not seeing God enough. Or at least, I should.
Christianity to me is full of so many holes, inconsistencies, and barbaric acts that I can only attribute to evil. I see more hate and negativity in Christianity than I do love and happiness. So when someone says something I find dangerous or bad, I get anxious and freak out.
God and I only seem to grow further apart with each day that goes by. I will not say I've tried, because if I tried I would have a good relationship with him and none of my feelings now would matter. But I haven't.
I have friends who grew up in that church who are hurting. Some because of bad messages about religion and some for other reasons. Those people are the ones I ache for. No one deserves to feel that way, and when I hear of it, I want to protect them. Even if what I perceive as damaging and dangerous is just that- a perception.
I am so sorry for the strife I know I have caused. You reached out to me, clearly I upset many. For that I know I have no forgiveness. I'm sorry.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas. All of you from M to T, all of you deserve it.
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